


Always you

by Xecs (PinkyToes)



Category: Team B (Band), iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Crying, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Men Crying, References to Depression, Sad, a lot of men crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26694748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkyToes/pseuds/Xecs
Summary: It was always you.From your smile, I knew it was you.
Relationships: Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	Always you

**Author's Note:**

> This little piece has actually been in the back burner for over a year waiting for me to finish. However, at this point I don't think I'll ever finish it but I've decided to post it as it. I actually quite enjoyed several parts of the story and wanted to share it with everyone. Hopefully, it is still enjoyable unfinished like it was for me.
> 
> Please heed the tags. This story follows events in real life but all the scenes are my IMAGINATION of the characters interaction and responses to the events. None of this is true and purely fictional.
> 
> There will be a few (alot) of grammatical errors! This work was unbeta and I never revised it.

**_It was always you._ **

Hanbin was panting as he ran down to the practice room cursing himself for waking up late. He stayed up all night composing songs that he accidentally overslept in the studio but thank gosh a worker saw him asleep and woke him up before he completely missed the meeting with YG.

He slammed the door open and saw no one was there yet. 

Good, he wasn't late.

Hanbin dragged his body and slumped over onto the nearest bench against the wall. He took deep breaths as he closed his eyes to calm his racing heart. 

“1, 2, 1, 2 , 1, 2” 

Hanbin repeated in his head as he counted the rise and fall of his chest. The serenity of the moment was making him progressively drowsy and he felt himself relaxing further against the bench. 

The sound of the door opening made him snap his eyes toward the door and his eyes met with a taller boy standing stalk still with eyes frantically looking around. The boy seemed to have made a decision as he lowered his eyes and entered the room. He sat on the bench at the end of the room, slumping over himself and twirling his fingers together. 

The boy had long hair and small eyes but after a moment of silence Hanbin dragged his gaze away from the quiet boy and closed his eyes again to catch a few more moments of rest and peace. 

Hanbin made note of the annoying scuffing sounds at the end of the room and tried to ignore the insistent noise. The sounds continued and grew increasingly louder and louder as every second passed along with Hanbin’s irritation. Not being able to take it anymore, he opened his eyes again and openly glared at the other sole occupant in the room.

The boy was still sitting down at the bench but couldn't stay still. He was either slumping forward or back and his hands kept picking at the leather sofa or the wall next to him. He was always moving, always just breathing. 

Before Hanbin could voice his thoughts, the door slammed open again but this time it was the YG with a much smaller boy trailing behind him. He immediately stood up and heard the lanky boy do the same. 

“Good Morning!” 

“Good, you're both here already. I want you three to start practicing together. I expect some results by the end of the month.” Almost as unexpectedly as YG came, he left with the door slamming shut behind him, leaving Hanbin festering in the erratic moment with two other trainees. 

Hanbin's mind was running in circles as he tried to process YG words. He was expected to train with these new trainees and he couldn't believe it after months of working alone he could potentially have friends. He was equally nervous and ecstatic with the possibility of finally not eating, practicing, or being utterly alone anymore. He could have people to rely on and talk to. 

“Hi, I'm Kim Jinhwan. Nice to meet you two.” 

The smaller boy introduced himself, breaking the silence. He smiled brightly and waved at the two boys bringing Hanbin out of his thoughts.

“Uhhhhh, yeah. Hey, I'm Kim Jiwon but you can call me Bobby.” The taller of the three replied in a slow drawl. His voice was deeper than Hanbin assumed it would be and there was a slight accent to his words. 

“And I'm Kim Hanbin. Uhh, we should probably start practicing today since it'll be the end of the month soon.

“Y-yes, sir.” 

Hanbin internally cringed at the word sir. No one ever called him sir before but he guessed he may be older than the tall boy. 

“Right.” 

It's been two weeks and Bobby was killing him with awkwardness. The American boy just kept calling him sir and using polite speech whenever they spoke. They were meant to live and work together but he had no idea how to break their awkward exchanges. Bobby didn't seem comfortable no matter what he did and slowly the dream of being friends chipped away to nothingness. They would simply practice together and then go their separate way for an hour or two to either sleep or eat until they had to practice again. It became a vicious cycle that left little room to actually talk about anything than what they did wrong while practicing. He began to tiptoe around Bobby so the situation wouldn't get any worse than it already was. Hanbin honestly didn't know what to do but he felt sorry for Jinhwan who had to split his time between the two boys. Whenever the trio took a break, he would have to run after one boy or the other to talk to them since they could barely be in the same room without something forcing them together.

As if reading his mind, Jinhwan announded “We should really do something other than practice all the time. I feel like we are drowning in practice” 

“But we can't. We have evaluations soon.” 

“I know. I just meant afterwards we should hang out. We've been with each other for 2 weeks already and I barely know you two.” 

Hanbin glared inconspicuously at the smaller boy since he knew the Jinhwan meant Bobby and himself barely knew anything about each other since they never talked. As if feeling his glare, Jinhwan turned his head and smiled serenely daring Hanbin to correct him. They stared at each other for a moment before Hanbin quickly glanced over to Bobby. Unexpectedly, Bobby was already looking directly at him before quickly averting his eyes. Sighing, Hanbun decided enough was enough and took Jinhwan advice.

“Uhh, well. I'm Kim Hanbin and I've been training since I was 14. I enjoy rapping and composing songs. Oh and my birthday is on October 22, 1996.” The moment he said his birthday he heard a sudden movement next to him and saw Bobby leaning on his elbows with his mouth gaping open. 

“What the hell, man! I thought you were older than me. I've kept calling you sir!” Bobby fell flat in his back and threw his arm over his face as his body began shaking progressively harder with his laugh. Jinhwan smile grew larger and larger until he was also outright laughing with Bobby. Hanbin swears he heard him say "It all because of his face" in between laughter. 

“Hey! That's not my fault you assumed,” Hanbin grumbled as a blush took over his face. Fuck them. He knows he has a serious face.

“I know, I know. You just seem older. I guess I can finally stop calling you sir. How about Hanbinnie instead?” Bobby smiled wide at Hanbin with his bunny teeth poking out and crinkles in his eyes.

Hanbin stared blankly at the smiling boy until he found his face stretched into an equally wide smile. 

Maybe they can be friends.

**_From the moment you smiled at me, I knew no one would make me as happy as you._ **

* * *

"HANBIN WAKE UP!" 

Hanbin groaned and tightened his hold onto the blankets. Based on Jinhwan tone, this was the 3rd time he called Hanbin's name and was soon on the verge of personally waking the boy up.  
He came to learn very early on, even though Jinhwan was small, he was a force to be reckoned with when crossed and he didn’t want to start off his day with a raging pixie. 

Hanbin counted to ten before he flipped his blankets away and sluggishly got out of bed. The room was ten times colder without anything warm surrounding him. He stared longingly at the blankets before sighing sadly and pulling on the nearest sweater over his exposed chest in substitution for his warm blankets.He walked out of the room with a large yawn and saw the usual inhabitants surrounding the small table. 

Bobby and Jinhwan were chattering to the new additions as Yunhyeong cooked breakfast. Hanbin slumped into the empty chair next to Bobby and quickly crossed his arms onto the table before he thumped his head down.

"How long did you end up staying at the studio?" 

He heard Jinhwah's scolding tone and knew he was probably getting disapproving looks from both him and Yunhyeong. He mumbled his response, hoping to avoid a long lecture so early in the morning but of course Jinhwah didn’t let it go. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say?" 

"I stayed till 3AM." 

"Hanbin, you need sleep! You can't keep doing this. I know you need to write songs and don’t groan at me!" 

"Jinhwan-hyungggggg. Please stop. It's too early in the morning for this." Hanbine whined into the table as he tried to shuffle his head deeper into his arms to block out the nagging voice. He heard Bobby laugh by his side and sneaked a glance upwards to see the bottom half of Bobby’s face smiling. 

"Cuteee~ Jinian hyung let's give him a break until lunch." Jinhwah huffed and shook his head before mumbling about dumbasses and the importance of beauty sleep. 

Hanbin shot a quick smile at Bobby in thanks. A few moments passed and the conversations continued around him as he slowly went back to sleep. He felt a gentle caress on his head and opened his heavy lids to see Bobby resting on his hand as he stroked Hanbin’s hair with a bright smile on his face.

"So much bed head, Hanbin-ah. It's cute." Hanbin blushed deeply before burrowing his head back into his arms. He heard Bobby softly laugh at his response and continued to gently stroke his head. His warm caress lulled him back to sleep. 

**_From the moment you caressed my hair, I knew no one would make me feel as meek as you._ **

* * *

It was the D-day. The final episode of WIN and the determination of who was going to debut. Hanbin was vibrating in his skin. Their original song was great, their performance was perfect, they won almost every competition, and they have been receiving constant praise from the judges. 

They were going to win. 

They had to win.

Hanbin glanced over to the other members who were just as nervous. Everyone was glancing back and forth at each other trying to comprehend if today was real. Was the end really near? They were about to be called forth and everything would be over; the cameras, the ambiguity of their future, and the challenges. 

Hanbin looked down at his feet and tightly closed his eyes as he clenched his fist. They needed to win. Bobby came from America, Jinhwah from jeju island. The younger boys even stopped attending high school for this. Their future relied on these results. They relied on him as a leader to succeed. 

The severity of the situation crashed down onto Hanbin and he started feeling dizzy. He felt himself slowly shaking. He couldn't breathe. He didn't know what they would do if they lost. What would happen to them? Would Team B disband? Would they all have to return home empty handed after all these long years training day and night without proper sleep, food, or accommodations? 

W-would they never see each other again? 

Hanbin didn't want any of that to happen. He didn't want to split apart from the boys. They were his family. He loved each and one of them and he couldn't bear to see them leave disheartened or defeated. His breaths were becoming more labored as he felt tingles of tears in his eyes.

He didn't want to lose. They just couldn't. 

He couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, a warm hand wrapped around his left hand. Carefully, holding it as if it was scared of rejection. Hanbin stared at the larger hand and trailed his gaze up the arm to the person's chest until he laid eyes on Bobby's profile. Bobby was facing away from him focusing on the crowd between the curtains. His gaze was intense yet firm. He tightly squeezed Hanbin's hand bringing him back from his thoughts and air into his lungs.

Hanbin squeezed back seeing a slight smile on Bobby's lips before he turned to face him. Their eyes gazing upon each other before Hanbin smiled back. 

They will be fine. He'll make sure they are.

**_From the moment you held my hand, I knew no one would make me feel as grounded as you._ **

* * *

Hanbin clenched his blankets closer to his body trying to muffle his sobs into sheets. Why did this have to happen? Why did his dad have to do that? Did he not care how this was going to affect the family? How it was going to affect his career? 

How selfish can he be? 

Hanbin heard his phone keep pinging, alerting him of incoming messages. His phone has been ringing non-stop for the past day but he couldn't bear to look at them now. He already made the previous mistake of checking the news and saw the knetziens comments. 

They hated him.

They wanted him to die. 

Hanbin choked out another sob at the thought. Maybe it would be better if he did leave. He was obviously the problem. The ugly dark hole of nothing but disappointment and problems, sucking away the talent and future of the members. They had the capabilities and talent to become stars and he was the one holding them back. IKON deserved a better leader, a better person than him. Someone that wouldn't cause them scandals and failures. 

Hanbin gripped the blankets tighter against his body trying to engulf himself completely to make everything disappear, to make himself disappear. He closed his eyes and wanted to envelope himself in darkness, hoping he would wake up from this nightmare. 

A knock startled him awake and the sound of the door opening made him tightened his cocoon. He didn't want to talk to anyone. There was no point. They were just going to give him empty words of reassurance to comfort him and he didn't deserve any of it. His father was wrong and he deserves all the hate for it. 

His family ruined peoples' lives.

The door clicked closed and foot steps encroached closer and closer to his bed until it stopped. A figure loomed above him and Hanbin felt the warmth radiating from their body. He tried holding his breath, praying they would just leave him alone, praying they would just escape from him. 

Hanbin felt the bed dip as the body kneeled over him. Slowly moving their body until they laid behind his back with their arms around him. They dug into the blankets until their hands linked together with his around his waist. He knew those warm hands, strong arms, and solid chest. 

Bobby. 

He tried to yank his body back but felt his body betraying him by squeezing Bobby's hand instead. 

He craved his touch, his strong reassuring hand. 

Bobby squeezed him back and rested his head against his neck. Soft warm breath tickled his nape but not a single word was said. Bobby simply held him and Hanbin couldn't help feeling even more grateful. 

He just wanted, needed someone to hold him for a moment. 

Hanbin felt new tears on his face and he couldn’t hold back his cries anymore. Bobby held him the entire night, occasionally gripping tighter whenever Hanbin forgot to breathe. His voice eventually broke into small gasps and his eyes burned from overuse. 

Bobby's warmth and Hanbin's exhaustion soon ebbed him to sleep.

The darkness never felt so warm before. 

**_From the moment you hugged me, I knew no one would make me feel as safe as you._ **

* * *

Hanbin shook awake to the sound of the front door slamming closed. He quickly shut his eyes and gripped the blankets closer to his skin. He could hear the feet shuffling closer and closer until they were right next to his bed. He knew if he opened his eyes who he was going to see so he didn't. 

He couldn't. 

The figure loomed over him for a moment as if they were watching him before making a decision to lay next to him with their chest to his back and their arms wrapped around him. With their warm breath tickling his neck, their first words were whispered. 

"Hanbinah, I know you're awake. Just tell me to go and I will." 

Hanbin stayed still and silent. His heart beating more erratically as time passed. 

"Please. Please, just tell me and I will." 

Hanbin bit his lips and felt tears soaking his pillowcase because this moment has played out so many times already and his response will always be the same. 

He craved Bobby. 

He never wanted him to go. 

"Hanbin. Please." 

Hanbin broke at the last plea and sobbingly replied to Bobby. 

"Don't go. Please don't go."

After the words left his lips, Bobby shuffled closer to his body bringing his lips directly to Hanbin's neck slowly caressing it up and down before kissing it. 

The kisses trailed downwards to his shoulders and stopped there. Bobby's pants warmed his back and Hanbin felt his heart leap out of his chest when Bobby brought one of his hands under his shirt to his chest and the other down to his dick. 

The two hands worked simultaneously to pull quiet moans and whimpers from Hanbin's mouth. The constant tweaking of his nipples and the gentle fondle over his sweatpants left Hanbin feeling breathless. Bobby continued his attack of kisses to his neck being careful to not leave marks. 

Sometimes Hanbin wished he did.

Bobby began to rock back and forth. His cock pressing against his behind, prodding it. His moans grew louder and he pressed backward wanting to feel more of Bobby. 

He wanted to feel everything Bobby was willing to give him. 

Bobby responded in kind by bringing their bodies even closer together, latching onto his neck and lapping at it with his tongue with occasional scape of his teeth.

Hanbin closed his eyes when he felt Bobby's hand move passed his sweatpants directly onto his dick. Stroking it up and down before tightening at the base. The continuous motion brought more groans from his lips. 

Bobby unlatched his mouth and moved over Hanbin climbing on top of him and pushing him directly on his back. Seeing his face directly, Hanbin tried to hide by pressing his face onto the side of a pillow until Bobby pulled it away to kiss him. Their tongue worked together in familiar fashion, pulling moans out of the other's mouth. 

They separated for a moment to breathe and Bobby rested his forehead on top of his. They stared at each other with their breaths mingling together and their body almost as one.

Bobby dragged his hands away from Hanbin's chest to lightly caress his face and eyes. Once Bobby reached his lips, he dragged the bottom lip downwards before pulling back to remove Hanbin's sweatpants and expose him to the room. 

Hanbin felt shivers run through his body in the cold air and Bobby's gaze at him. He ran his fingers across his chest to his thighs, resting his hand there. The warmth spreaded over his lower body, making him squirm. Bobby slowly flicked his eyes to Hanbin's face before roughly removing his own clothes.

Bobby’s body was always a marvel to stare at. It was completely toned and defined with strong lines and a wide chest. The strength it held always left Hanbin feeling more breathless than he already was and Bobby knew that. Bobby knew how much he reveled over his body and always used it against him. 

Feeling more brave, Hanbin slowly widened his legs as the other stared gapingly back down at Hanbin’s lower body. 

Bobby slowly reached for the lube without tearing his eyes away and poured a generous amount onto his fingers. There was a slight caress from Bobby’s lubed fingers before entering to the first knuckle. 

Hanbin closed his eyes and bit his lips at the sensation of Bobby's fingers working slowing in and out of him. One fingers went to two and then three and Hanbin was left keening at the stretch. 

Bobby was scissoring his fingers and thrusting faster and faster. His other hand was rubbing on Hanbin's nipples back and forth. The constant pressure began to build in Hanbin's stomach and he felt himself close to the end. He gently tapped Bobby's arm and Bobby brought his eyes away from his hole to his face and quickly nodded. 

Hanbin was gritting his teeth as he tightly gripped the bed sheets at the intrusion as Bobby slowly inched inside. His cock dragging and pulsating against Hanbin's inner walls. Hanbin's was left gasping when Bobby was flushed against his body.

The connection made him feel almost complete.

Bobby leaned further down pushing Hanbin legs against his chest in order to kiss him. With their tongues intertwined, Bobby thrusted slowly and deeply, keeping their bodies close. The thrusts were steady and Hanbin was soon whimpering at the ministrations finding himself buckling backwards to the thrust as Bobby sped up. 

The room was filled with the sounds of skin slapping and moans. The two bodies trying to drag out the pleasure and the inevitable orgasm. Bobby rhythm was getting more erratic as he roughly pounded Hanbin harder and harder. The boy's stream of moans encouraged him to go faster. With a slight shift of his hips, Hanbin's body shook.

Hanbin felt Bobby grinned into his chest before he slowed down his hips grinding deeply into the bundle of nerves. Hanbin choked out a sob and began keening again. The sensation felt too intense for him. He received no relief as Bobby picked up his speed again nailing Hanbin's prostate as he suckled onto a nipple. 

Hanbin only gripped onto Bobby’s arm as tears streamed down his face and his mouth kept producing loud “Uh uh uh” sounds. 

The constant pressure against his prostate made him tighten his hold onto Bobby and arched his back as he came. Screaming "Bobby" before slumping back onto the bed. 

Bobby continued his thrust and Hanbin body twitched at the insistent prodding feeling too overwhelmed and sensitive. He whimpered and he tried tightening his hole to milk Bobby's cock and force him to come. Bobby growled at the fluttering and tightened his grip on Hanbin's hips before coming. The warm come filling Hanbin's stomach and settling deep within him. 

Bobby lowered his head down onto Hanbin's chest and tightly wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's waist. They laid connected together as their pants filled the room.

Bobby momentarily tightened his arms around Hanbin before pulling back and disconnecting their bodies. He collected his clothes off the floor and left without turning back. 

Hanbin was left in silence with cum dripping out of him and tears running down his face once again.

**_From the moment you left, I knew no one would hurt me as much as you._ **

* * *

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I'm." 

"Shh, Hanbin it's okay. It's okay. We don't hate you and we won't leave you. Okay?" Bobby softly reassured as he held Hanbin in his arms. Hanbin was crying onto his chest and continued to relentlessly apologize. 

How did everything go to shit so quickly? One moment they were celebrating their upcoming subgroup and the next he was kicked out. He was no longer apart of IKON because of a stupid mistake he did all those years ago. 

He didn't mean for this to happen. 

He didn't mean for all this backlash and hate to come to the boys. 

He didn't mean to be a disappointment. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's all my fault, hyung. It's all my fault. I didn't...I didn't" His throat started closing up and he couldn't breathe between all the crying and the reality of the situation. He fucked up and now everything was over.

His body trembled as he felt Bobby hand rest on his cheek bringing his face away from the strong chest to look at his face. He tried to pull away not wanting to see the disappointment in Bobby's eyes but the tight hold on his cheek kept Hanbin from turning away. 

"Shhhhhh. It's okay. It'll be okay." 

Hanbin knew it wasn't going to be okay but Bobby's eyes were steady and sure as if he knew everything would work itself out. 

Bobby's faith was such a beautiful yet ugly thing.

"Y-you know it won't." 

"I do because I'll be there every step of the way. I'm not going to leave you, okay. I'm not. Not this time." 

Bobby's voice and palm were so firm and calm that Hanbin felt it to the core that Bobby was not lying. He was going to follow Hanbin. He was going to leave the company for him but Hanbin knew he couldn't not with the contracts and threats coming from the CEO. Bobby couldn't leave even if he wanted to. He had to support his family in Korea and leaving would only cause a scandal and debt. 

Hanbin smiled because he was thankful for Bobby, thankful for the members, but he couldn't do that to them or Bobby. 

Bobbly lightly caressed his cheek to wipe the tears streaming down his face. Hanbin allowed himself a moment to soak it in before he lowered his head back to Bobby's chest wanting to listen to his heartbeat. Bobby slowly leaned back on the bed until Hanbin was completely draped on top of him. They both held each other tighter, not wanting to let go.

"I'm sorry, Jiwon-hyung." 

"I'm sorry too." 

It felt like a confession and a goodbye. 

**_From the moment I left, I knew I would always love you._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was a ride. I initially came to the fic expecting to write fluff but my mind seems more focused in angst and tears galore. Also, it seems I'm only good at writing angst and smut...
> 
> Please leave your feedback!!


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